Underlying meaning of MMA: Mas Mayabang Ako

I do remember my TECHDRAW prof telling me not to look down on myself too much. That was after I commented on my first plate, telling him it was so bad and I sucked. He told me it was really good, actually. What I lacked myself, as he saw, was self-confidence and self-esteem. He told me to be proud of my works and my talent, no matter what.

Being a pessimistic person as I really am, his advice really gave me an idea to make me feel better my works, and of course, my self.

I do not post my works of boredom (yes, I am productive at “art” when I am bored) in Facebook not to say “IN YOUR FACE” to the people who cannot do it, or to garner LIKES and COMMENTS of appreciation or show how good I am at things. I put it there because my relatives and old friends wanted to see how I’m doing at school. I thought sharing my works to other people would eventually increase my self-confidence, as if taking it slowly to expose myself to the bigger world out there. 

I know that the things that I post are not that really good, I know other people can do a lot way BETTER than I do. To the people who clicked the LIKE button for it, I really do appreciate it very much, sincerely and from my heart. I really never expected it to exceed 10 likes, it is just so overwhelming having it reach past 20. And every like clicked really makes me happy, really.

But another thing that I didn’t also expect was some people started to call me a SHOW OFF, or MAYABANG (too proud or prideful). Some people started it out as a joke, and it was fine with me for some time, I don’t take things seriously. Then recently, it hit me. Am I turning into an ATTENTION WHORE who posts her artworks on Facebook to get a sea of LIKES? I haven’t thought that posting my artworks for a very sincere purpose would turn out into something bad. And I’m sorry for that. It really makes me sad and depressed at the same time. And now I’m back to my old self, feeling like a worthless piece of shit and stuff. 

I learned my lesson. I guess I won’t be posting anymore artworks  or do any art at all. I am trying to be humble as much as I can. Don’t mind me. Nothing to see here.